The Dude Abides

for about two daysish.  For those of you that get my reference, congratulations.  For those that don’t, my title is the opening lines of A Quick One While He’s Away by The Who.  Hello, welcome back, and how ya doin’?  Readers, my miniature vacation has done wonders for my mind.  Also, a bit of good news has cheered me up considerably.  This shall be a different post, in that I’ll really dish out the credit and compliments to those who have earned them.  You’re welcome for the Thank Yous you’re about to get.  Now, before you continue reading, figure that last little trick out.  Pretty clever, huh?  I know, I’m awesome.

Anyways, as I previously stated, credit.  So, I’ll start with a backstory.  I’ve been depressed…That’s really about it.  If you’re a fan of the blog you know why, and you know that it’s led to some damn good posts.  However, a message on Facebook changed everything for me, and I’m not exactly sure why.

After my mini-hiatus, I came home today and checked my shit.  A message from my previous significant other (who is awesome) was sent to me in response to one I’d sent her.  In it I just told her thank you, that I’d always love her, and I wouldn’t have a bad thing to say about her.  You know, the normal sappy, dysfunctional shit.  In the response, she told me that she would always love me.  This, somehow, made me feel so fucking good.  It was more or less closure.  I knew that I hadn’t put in all that effort, loved somebody so much, for nothing.  Now, please don’t take this the wrong way, we’re not back together, and probably never will be.  That’s fine.  I have come to accept this, finally.  I had what I had, it was awesome, and now it’s over.  Thankfully, she will always be a great friend of mine.

That is why I’m happy, and that is why I can begin to rebuild my life.  It is a long process, but it must be done.  It shall start with the little things.  Talking to people again, getting out more, and eventually finding another girlfriend.  However, I don’t feel I could move on effectively without pausing a second to mention a few people in particular who have been there for me, and I whom I feel I owe a lot to.  In no particular order, here we go.

Mom, you’re up first.  You were always there, even though I didn’t talk about my situation to you.  You remained silently in my corner, helping me while saying nothing.  Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, thank you.  I love you.

Drew, you probably won’t read this.  You were the first person I told, because you’re the first person I thought to call.  You were there to help me get my mind of things.  You’re one of my closest friends, and I thank you deeply for being there.  I think of you as a brother.  I love you man, in a non-gay way.  You’re too ugly anyways.

Allen, there’s a chance you’ll read this, depending on your Internet.  You’re my best friend, and one of only two people I ever discussed my real feelings on the subject with.  You were there to give me your insights and advice on everything, and I want to thank you.  You, also, are a brother in my eyes.  You’re my best friend, and I love you, in a heterosexual way.

Jamaal, think I’d leave you out?  Besides Allen and Drew, you were the only one to really see me broken down, to see me at my worst.  And, somehow, you were there to give me a laugh, a well-needed pick me up.  The last two days really helped clear my mind and let me get back to somewhat normalcy, and I’d like to thank you and your mother for being so accommodating all the time.  I consider all of you guys family, and I have nothing but the highest respect for you.  I love you all, thank you.  And we fuckin’ beat you in that last SWAT game, so piss off.

Garic, you there?  You’re my brother, and one of my closest friends.  I didn’t really see you too much during this whole ordeal, but you helped keep me going.  You probably didn’t know it, but I think more of you than damn near anybody on this planet.  When we just talked, I knew you had an idea of how I felt.  I love you, don’t you ever go fucking change.  Thank you.

I think this person shall remain nameless.  I’m not sure why.  Perhaps she’d prefer it this way, perhaps not.  If she wishes to make herself known, she can.  Either way, you know who you are.  Outside of my close friends, you’re the only one who has really spoken to me on the subject in depth.  You were there to just discuss everything, not just that.  You showed me the meaning of good conversation, and I appreciate that so much.  I can now deem you awesome.  Thank you.

Finally, you.  The one I lost, and the one I love.  You are the only source of every bit of depression I’ve had, and I wouldn’t have had it any other way.  (For the record, that was a compliment, just sayin’.)  If it hadn’t been for those thirteen months, I wouldn’t be half the guy I am currently.  I shudder to think at the path I may have chosen if you had not come along.  You saved me from what I was becoming.  You made me a better person, and I was too late realizing what a gem I had acquired.  You are, and always will be, my first TRUE love.  The only thing I ask of you is to always think as highly of you as I do.  I will always love you.  Thank you.

That, I believe, is all the thanks that needs to be given.  If you feel I left you out, well you’re pretty fucking arrogant.  One last thank you to everybody who was there for me, and an even bigger thank you to me for keeping on keeping on.  If it wasn’t for me being here, there wouldn’t be any Thank Yous.  Ladies, I am once again available, but not for purchase.  I don’t sell out.  Now I’m off to go drink some Coca-Cola, eat some Pizza Hut, and finish it off with a nice big bowl of…Always Save pudding.  Oh yes, I pull for the little guy.

That does it for me readers and non-literate idiots.  Sooner or later, I’ll get back to my normal ranting.  Until next time America.  Take it easy.

The Dude

P.S.  I still love you.