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I don’t particularly want to do this, but then again I do. Good evening readers, I hope this post finds you well. The mere fact that you are capable of reading this probably means that you are in decent enough conditions. I assume none of you folks are currently being held hostage and found a clever way to access the Internet just to see if I blogged. Of course, it’s not beyond the scope of possibility, but it’s highly doubtful. Well, that was me trying do delay this sharp-tongued post. I know what I have to say is right, but for some reason I am still reluctant. I suppose I will start by talking about something else.
One of my four best friends (my brother having recently achieved the rank, although I think I subconsciously always acknowledged him) has a…hmm…situation, for lack of a better term. Jamaal is reconnecting, I guess, with a lady he knew (she knew him, he recalls her sister) from his past. I cannot really explain any further without messing it all up. All I can say is that I find it highly odd, but at the same time, right on for him. Who am I to say ‘yay’ or ‘nay’ to something that makes somebody else happy? Well, I actually do that all the time, but he is one of the exceptions. And while on the surface he says he doesn’t want to give up his lazy life (which I totally believe, and respect), I think that somewhere not too deep down he enjoys the contact, and clear affection, of somebody aside from his niece/nephews and we chaps who go over there. If there anybody that deserves some good karma thrown their direction, it’s him. Whether or not this situation pans out to be good karma has yet to be determined. For now I remain skeptically neutral, if there is such a thing, but not cynical as per my usual self. Because of that, I have made a vow to myself not to be an over-prick should I happen to chance upon them during a meetup. I figure he’s given me so damn much, why not let him try to be happy? And I know it sounds like I’m applauding myself for nothing, but then you would be underestimating how easy it is for me to zing my sharp tongue around and not even know that I’m offending anyone. So, there you go, it’s no longer just to myself. I promise not to be a dick when/if we meet, and I wish the whole thing the best, whatever the best may be.
Oh, sweet deity, this is the part I’ve been avoiding. If the first subject seemed half-assed, I apologize. It wasn’t, but I was just trying to think while I wrote. I have decided that the best way is to post a poem about the upcoming subject, then dive right into the whole kit ‘n’ caboodle. This is my title. I have taken it upon myself (to both my joy and dismay, if that’s possible) to say what needs to be said. Well, here we go. This poem has no title, so I’ll dub it “I’ve Been There.”
A waste of talent is a wasted life.
Deceit runs thick and imbeds like a knife.
Loyalties taken for granted.
With the plants you’ve sewn from the seeds you planted.
Yeah, I’ve been there, I’ve fallen.
I’ve been there, I’ve crashed.
I’ve been there when all that’s left were memories and ash.
But when everything is said and done, and we’re the only place to turn.
You’ll look and find there are no more bridges you can burn.
Who are you now?
Do you even know?
With every question, my impatience has grown.
Self-delusion is your illusion.
God given gifts, tossed aside, thrown.
Yeah, I’ve been there, I’ve broken.
I’ve been there, I’ve cried.
I’ve been there when all that’s left were endless nights and lies.
But when everything is said and done, and we’re the only place to turn.
You’ll look and find there are no more bridges you can burn.
Stop trying to be what you’re not.
Because reality is nigh.
Find your way to solid ground.
Because the tide is getting high.
Yeah, I’ve been there, my darkest hour.
I’ve been there, I’ve “defied”.
I’ve been there when I thought all the love around should die.
But when everything is said and done, and we’re the only place to turn.
You’ll look and find there are no more bridges you can burn.
The curtain is falling on your charade.
The game is up, the tune’s at end.
And a single tear escapes my eye.
What the fuck happened to my friend?
Yeah, I’ve been there when you fallen.
I’ve been there when you crashed.
I’ve been there when all that’s left were memories and ash.
Now everything’s almost said and done, and I’m still here for you to turn.
But you’re pissing it all away, and I’m done with being burned.
Yep, there ya go. Anybody familiar with myself probably has a general idea of who I’m talking about. Sadly, I must say that in that poem I just got through lambasting one of my best friends. However, I’m switching it up a bit. Instead of the normal friend I chew out, Allen, I’ve gone another route. Drew, his brother, seems to have completely lost his way, and this annoys me greatly.
Let’s give a little back story. Drew is incredibly smart, gifted in art, decently athletic, and overall a good guy. We were really close throughout Junior High up through my Junior year, and I shall always rank him among my closest and truest friends and confidantes. During that time period, however, something happened that has caused him to careen off into this downward spiral that has a high probability of exploding in his face.
He dated this chick during his Sophomore year for a bit, and they broke up, much to his dismay. Now, when I say much, I mean way much, as in he’s not had a legitimate relationship since. He fell in ‘Drew Love’, which is I term I made up about fifteen seconds ago. I say this because he has no true concept of the concept (Is that grammatically acceptable?). And that seems mean and hateful, which it probably is, but at the same time, they only dated for a handful of months…maybe. They weren’t ever “the perfect couple”. In fact, he caught flak all the time because she was still in Junior High. But he claims to have loved her, so I use “Drew Love” as a compromise, although I don’t exactly see it flying well. Meh, I’m in over my head already. Moving on.
Okay, I know what you’re thinking. You’re probably going back over the droves and droves of posts I wrote about my lost love. Fair is fair. Of course there is a stark difference between the two relationships. Our feeling was mutual. To what extent, I can never be sure, and at this point it is no matter, but I do believe that while we were dating, she loved me. This was not close to close to close to being apparent with his lady. At best, she looked uncomfortable all the time. Alright, now let’s fast forward a few years to a bit in the past/present day.
Drew’s not having a romantic interest has been a running joke for quite some time. His insistence that he is ‘smooth’ makes his complete lack of evidence of said smoothness exponentially funnier. I have to say, though, that this whole dung heap of a situation with the younger lass across the street is aggravating more than just me (Probably wrong of me to speak for others. Apologies, folks.). And I know they’ve both denied everything. Malarkey I say. I think there’s a chigger in the woodpile, and I think we’ve been told half-truths and outright lies. I figured we, of all people, would be worth your honesty. Piss on you, then.
Above everything, though, I find his lack of motivation for education to be the most annoying. His fatal flaw is caring (deeply) what others think of him. The image he tries to portray is not only not him, it’s not even a good fake. Anybody can see that the front you put up is not what you’re good at. He’s taking a year off because he doesn’t know what he wants to major in while everybody on God’s green Earth can see that he should be an Art major; but, since it doesn’t fit his ‘image’, he’s blown it off totally. I’ll take a step back from the rant and toss you some free advice.
Embrace what you are. Who gives two shits what people say? I act, so I guess I’m gay, right? Who cares if people think that? I’ll get up on stage every night and love every minute of it. You are not a jock, you are not an All-Star athlete. You’re a fair to decent ballplayer who is an amazing artist. I’ve seen you when you draw. It’s something to behold. You’re never more focused, more intent and attentive. That’s you. Be that guy. Do you not realize how much it frustrates all of us to see you pissing away your talent? Chucking away your gift, why? I challenge you to respond. I think at the very least you could explain yourself. Until then, you sir, may kindly fuck yourself. For one, it’s a lot more le…nevermind. And secondly, it would take the middle finger out of God’s and our asses from pulling all this shit.
This will not go over well, of that I can be sure. Harsh criticism is not really up his alley. I do not care. Drew, I love you like a brother, but I cannot stand silent anymore and watch you fuck off what could be a pretty amazing life. There, I’ve said what needs to be said.
The funny thing is that I don’t feel like I did a good enough job. This is the first time I’ve ever seriously doubted the effectiveness of my writing. When I bitched before, I knew I would get a rouse, but now, I fear he’s too far gone to admit to us/himself that shit needs changing, or that he just doesn’t care at all. Here’s a quick shout-out/plug to God/Christianity asking for my words to have the effect needed.
Well, that does it for me. I await either a response or a punch in the nose. Until next time America. Take it easy, and peace.
The Dude
P.S. Never be afraid to think.
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