The Dude Abides

Goodbye to Romance, Goodbye to Friends…Goodbye to All of This.

Hello, readers.  This is a blog that is a long time coming, and a long time procrastinated.  I have already made a personal reservation to not bawl like a lost child whilst posting this, but I highly doubt this comes to fruition.  There is a whirlwind of a clusterfuck of shit happening around me, and I am the cause of most of it.  This post is going to be me saying goodbye to the folks I’m leaving behind when I head off to college.  And this sounds cheesy, mainly because I’m only two hours away.  Anyway, I’ll do what I can.

I didn’t foresee myself doing this.  I was happy going to Pitt State and getting a degree in Secondary Education and just living out my life as a teacher.  But the thought of being able to make a career out of acting was too tempting to let slip away.  I enrolled at Missouri State, which is located in Springfield, the aforementioned two hours away. This is a major turn from what I had planned for myself, but I know it’s the right move.  And it sucks, knowing I’m going to be so far away from everybody I love, but it’s what has to be done.  So when I get constantly sniped at for leaving, it hurts…a lot. This post is me taking the time and thanking some folks individually for being there, and say a temporary goodbye to them as well.  Mark my words, this is going to suck.  Here we go, in no particular order.

———–Note: Started this before I left, and am now picking it up the night I returned to Springfield after my first weekend home.———

Garic, my brajah, and one of my best friends.  Fuck man, I know we lost some time that I wish we could have back, and that blows.  I’m sorry I was such a McAsshole.  I’m going to miss you so damn much.  Gaming it up, the talks on the way to Jamaal’s, bullshittin’, and just chilling in general.  You are so much smarter and deeper than a lot of people give you credit for, but I’m one of the lucky few who have gotten to know you over the long course of time we’ve been related.  When you posted on your blog that you thought I could make it as an actor, I damn near choked up.  I appreciate all the confidence you have in me.  Thank you.  This paragraph should be infinitely longer, but I cannot seem to really drag it out any further.  Don’t hesitate to come up and see me anytime, and when you do, fuckin’ bring the 360.  I love you, my good sir.

M’lady, Morgan, is up next.  I’m not really good at this whole schpeel, as you’ve undoubtedly read/heard/witnessed.  We’ve been dating eight months, and it seems like so much longer, in a good way.  To put it simply, we fucking rock as a couple, and regardless of whatever miff or tiff we may have, I wouldn’t trade us for the world…well, maybe the world…just kidding.  I realize this is really hard on you, and I haven’t been very sensitive to the situation.  All I can say is that you have nothing to worry about, and I think my close friends and family can vouch for me.  I love you, and we will be together for the foreseeable future, and beyond that.  Again, the paragraph should be longer, but I’m terrible at being anything but pointed.

Dad, you gave me a job over the past year, and within that year we’ve had some awesome days.  I really am going to miss that place, regardless of how much longer it may or may not be there.  Thank you, I love you, and keep Garic’s ass busy.

Harlee, you’re my lovely sister who is too grown up for her own good.  I know you really hate when I’m gone, and I hate it too.  Just remember that I’ll always be home at some point, and that until then you can always call me.  I love you very much, little sister, and I promise I’ll be home as much as I can.

Drew, you’re one of my best friends, and it sucks that our lives are taking us in different directions.  We’ve definitely had our wrinkles, but I will always think nothing but gloriousness about you, because you have always been there for me.

Allen, another of my closest confidantes.  I’m not really sure what is going on with you, and I’m sorry it is that way.  I wish you still considered yourself close enough to all of us to let us know what was up, but until then, just know that I’m always here for an ear.  Like Drew, we’ve had our bouts, but without you I’m not sure what kind of person I would be today.  We are drifting because of our life choices, but I will always think nothing but highly of you, and I wish you the very best in whatever field you finally decide to settle on.  Lol.

Mom, I love you.  You’ve always been there, and you have always known how to be a mom.  Whether silent or with your words, nobody could have done a better job rearing me, and I give a shout out to the Big Man Upstairs for blessing me with such a wonderful woman.  I miss being home a lot, and you’re a large part of that.  It sucks not being able to wake up to you and Mel’s cooking, talking, and general being.  Thank you both for everything you have done for me, and I miss you and love you guys.

Finally, Jamaal.  Besides my mother, I credit you with having the single most impact on my life.  And it’s not really fair to you, either, because it was pretty much thrust upon you.  You showed me how to not care, basically.  Because of you, I started to question shit around me, and I realized I didn’t much like what I saw.  You showed me music, movies, and reading.  I cannot thank you enough for just being there.  Having a place to just be, it really let me figure out who I was during a few hectic time periods in my life.  Gaming, music, reading, culture, and talking, through good, bad, happiness, heartbreaks, life, and death; I’ve been able to come and leave it all behind at your doorstep.  It’s an entirely different world inside of your little room, and I am forever grateful to be a part of it.  It blows that I cannot come over more, at least for me.  I miss the weekend binges of movies and chatting, staying up until 7 AM just discussing any number of asinine scenarios.  We’re both changing, there’s no denying that.  In a sense, I guess you could say we are growing up.  Me with college and you with your lady-friend.  Fuckin’ a, man.  As I’ve said before, nobody deserves it more than you.  At the end of the day, all of the bitching I ever did about any of my situations never truly held a candle to yours, and yet you always made light of it.  I will always consider you one of the most influential people in my life.  Thank you for listening to the droves of shit I’ve vented, without complaint;  and thanks for being one of my best friends.

Looking back, I realize how ridiculous this post is going to sound, considering I just seen most of you within a twelve hour period.  Still, I needed to finish this.  I started it, then put it off because I did not want to truly say goodbye to everything.  And even though it really is only temporary, a week is the norm, it sucks ass.  I want to see everybody.  I want to wake up to Mom and Mel’s breakfast burritos, go to work with Dad, come home and play the Wii at the house with everybody, then bomb out of there and head to Jamaal’s with Garic to shoot the shit with everybody, and close the evening at about 2 AM with me falling asleep with my arms wrapped around my lovely lady.  But I can’t, at least not for a week.  Goodbye to romance, goodbye to friends.  Goodbye to all of this.  Fuck, I’m homesick, and I just left.

Well, that about does it for me.  Best case scenario, I become miserable from withdrawals and am able to write again.  Here’s hoping.  Until next time America.  Take it easy, and peace.

The Dude.

P.S.  Never be afraid to think for yourself.

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